They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
