shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
