just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
