Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I will be naked everywhere
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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