found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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