i think my mom watched the whole time
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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