so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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