we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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