She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she told me i tasted like america
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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