Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
