just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
