i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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