I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
