you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
