I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
