I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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