Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
