You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
