What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
