We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
