I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I AM VODKA MAN
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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