Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
