i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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