from now on my penis is your penis
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
