Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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