there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
