It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
