Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
