Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
