just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
