I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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