he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
