we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
