YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
