um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
