In the future we'll all be gay
love makes seman taste better
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize