and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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