I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
