so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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