By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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