Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
