Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
