you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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