Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
