Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize