Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
