i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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