dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I AM VODKA MAN
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Enjoy the penises
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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