Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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