Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize