You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
