Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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