So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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