I wannas sexs uuuuu
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
