I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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