I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Let's get the cat blown out
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
