Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
