just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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