If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
