I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
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