hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
