Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
