y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I think my moral compass just broke
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
