I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
