I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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