I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
