I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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