I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
