Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
