I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
