Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
