I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
