I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
