he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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