my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
